while you have the emerypaper out...you should clean the fuse terminals for the headlights. The slightest bit of resistance at this point will cause the terminals to melt the fuse block. Most likely when your wife is in the car."It smells like pencils!!!And there is smoke coming out of the dash!!!Is it supposed to do that?!?!

I just thought of something that I might share. But then again I might not.
Oh, what the hell.
If your headlights just quit working, don't spend a lot of time looking for the headlight relay. These cars, at least the US cars, don't use a headlight relay. The full voltage runs throught the whole system at all times.
After repeated use, this tends to corrode the contacts in the dimmer switch. Then the lights just won't work. Clean up the contacts (emory cloth, sandpaper, have the cat lick them for a bit, whatever) and the lights should work for another ten or twenty years.
If you're out in the boondocks away from tools, flicking the switch several times works sometimes too.