there's a top gear or in gear or something in addition to the reverse light and some have a third switch for something.

my spare tranny might have switches in ti to test.

maybe the FSM shows NO/NC for those switches

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Yes it is in the FSM. they're N/O and there's just 2 Reverse and "Neutral"

so I'll think up a way that the remote start can only work is the car is not in reverse and is in neutral.

problem is the neutral switch N/O or N/C in neutral? ( fsm shows NO but is that in gear or ?? ) I'll assume it's open in neutral and closed in gear...

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but if reverse switch is NO and closed in reverse, then should the neutral switch be NO and closed in neutral(open in gear??)