Fo-shaw no go on tree day taw, O-kay wit Mary Ann cuz she one kama aina, bah no go wit Gin-ja, cuz she one pupule haole wahine, wan ting go rung, she go loco wikiwiki on yo okole fo-shaw, big thyme hana fo liv wit dat one fo-shaw. Betta fo stay home n drink six-pak green bottle at tutu’s hale.

Translation:

Do not go on a three hour tour, Mary Ann would be fine as she is a nice local girl but do not go with Ginger as she is a psychotic caucasian woman who does not deal with unexpected problems well and tends to fly of the handle, dealing with her every day would be a lot of work. You would be much better off at your Grandmother’s house getting drunk on Heinekens.

Tom