Basics of Carburetor Operation

The basic secret of carb function is that inside each carb are thousands
of tiny gnomes; each with a small bucket. As you open the throttle, more
of these gnomes are allowed out of their house and into the float bowl, where
they fill the buckets and climb up the carb's passages to the intake, where
they empty their buckets into the air stream.

But, if you don't drive your car for a while, bad things can happen. Tiny
bats take up residence in the chambers of the carb, and before long the passages
are plugged up with guano. This creates a gnome traffic jam, and so not enough
bucketfuls of fuel can get to the engine. If it gets bad enough, the gnomes
simply give up and go take a nap. The engine won't run at all at this point.
Sometimes you'll have a single dedicated gnome still on the job, which is
why the car will occasionally fire as the gnome tosses his lone bucket load
down the intake.

There has been some research into using tiny dwarves in modern carbs. The
advantage is that unlike gnomes, dwarves are miners and can often re-open
a clogged passage. Unfortunately, dwarves have a natural fear of earthquakes,
as any miner should. In recent tests, the engine vibrations caused the dwarves
to evacuate the Holden V8 test vehicle and make a beeline for the nearest
BMW dealership. Sadly, BMW's are fuel injected and so the poor dwarves met
an unfortunate end
in the rollers of a Bosch fuel pump.

Other carb problems can also occur. If the level of fuel in the float bowl
rises too high, it will wipe out the poorer gnome housing in the lower parts
of the carb. The more affluent gnomes build their homes in the diaphragm
chamber, and so are unaffected. This is why the car is said to be "running
rich".

If the fuel bowl level drops, then the gnomes have to walk farther to get
a bucketful of fuel. This means less fuel gets to the engine. Because
the gnomes get quite a workout from this additional distance, this condition
is known as "running lean".

The use of the device known only as the 'choke' has finally been banned by
PETG (People for the Ethical Treatment of Gnomes) and replaced by a new carb
circuit that simply allows more gnomes to carry fuel at once when the engine
needs to start or warm up. In the interests of decorum, I prefer not to explain
how the 'choke' operated. You would rather not know anyway.

So, that's how a carburetor works. You may wish to join us here next week
for basics of electricity, or "How your car creates cold fusion inside the
alternator, and why the government doesn't want you to know about it."

So how do I check if I have enough gnomes? I have twin 40mm sidies.

I guess using gnomes has got to be better than using fairies....

WTF?????????? you're on drugs dude!

Gnomes would work much better than gremlins too.

...especially if you had to feed them after dark....

And water in the fuel would be a real disaster!

kind of reminds me of the dark sucker theory.


For years, it has been believed that electric bulbs emit light, but recent information has proven otherwise. Electric bulbs don't emit light;
they suck dark. Thus, we call these bulbs Dark-Suckers.

The Dark-Sucker Theory and the existence of dark-suckers prove that dark has mass and is heavier than light.

First, the basis of the Dark-Sucker Theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. For example, take the Dark-Sucker in the room you are in. There is much less dark right next to it than there is elsewhere. The larger the Dark-Sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark-Suckers in the parking lot have a much greater capacity to suck dark than the ones in this room.

As it is with all things, Dark-Suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the dark spot on a full Dark-Sucker.

A candle is a primitive Dark-Sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You can see that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing all the dark that has been sucked into it. If you put a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, it will turn black. This is because it got in the way of the dark flowing into the candle. One of the disadvantages of these primitive Dark-Suckers is their limited range.

There are also portable Dark-Suckers. In these, the bulbs can't handle all the dark by themselves and must be aided by a Dark Storage Unit. When the Dark Storage Unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before the portable Dark-Sucker can operate again.

Dark has mass. When dark goes into a Dark-Sucker, friction from the mass generates heat. Thus, it is not wise to touch an operating Dark-Sucker. Candles present a special problem as the mass must travel into a solid wick instead of through clear glass. This generates a great amount of heat and therefore it's not wise to touch an operating candle-type Dark-Sucker.

Also, dark is heavier than light. If you were to swim just below the surface of the lake, you would see a lot of light. If you were to slowly swim deeper and deeper, you would notice it getting darker and darker. When you get really deep, you would be in total darkness. This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter light floats at the top. This is why it is called light.

Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to stand in a lit room in front of a closed, dark closet, and slowly opened the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet. But since dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet.

Next time you see what is called an electric bulb, remember that it is really a Dark-Sucker

Gee I hope you cut and pasted that from somewhere or ells you have way to mucg time on your hands!?

Wow! Lucky I painted my car a dark colour, it will be faster:)