Heard a joke the other day, hope it doesn`t offend.

An Eskimo is on holiday in New Zealand & his rent-a-car breaks down. Luckily he spots a petrol station just down the road & proceeds on foot.
He talks to the mechanic & he says the car will be towed back & inspected, "Take about an hour, so go and have some lunch" the mechanic said.
The Eskimo returns an hour later and asks how the car is going.
The mechanic says "Found the problem mate, it looks like you f*#ked a Seal "
The Eskimo looks back at him and says furiously "A seal! What about you Damn Kiwis and them sheep !!!!!!"

Good joke man!

NZ'ers here can swap the NZ for Australia

I might have made things worse.. just making the joke more universal.

THe version of this joke I heard, went some thing like the eskimo had an ice cream for lunch. The mechanic said " It isn't much mate, looks like you've blown a seal"
To which the eskimo replyied "Nah , I just ate an ice cream".

hahahaha both funny

This is quite amazing

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is
taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses
and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed
ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.
ceheiro

What do you do if a bird Sh!ts on your windscreen?



Don't take her out again.

While we're on jokes, here's my favourite:

Germlish!
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which is the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan
that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k".

This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e"in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and After ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza.

Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

LMAO dazza very nice!!!!!!!!!

What do you call a guy with a eagle on his head...................




Clawed

what do you call a guy sleeping in the bushes????




Russel